What do you put your trust in?

 What do you put your trust in? I ask this because I am learning this season. During Bible study tonight, our pastor encouraged us to take a moment and ponder what we put our trust in. I closed my eyes and visualized myself on a plank above the sea with nothing to hold onto. There was only a nail. With Easter approaching, I could not help but notice how powerful that vision is. 

A plank is a type of wood. One day, thousands of years ago, three nails were hammered into a cross. So, in this vision, I knew that I put my trust in Jesus. As a Parent Coach, I want to serve families in alignment with their values. I help all parents, especially families with mental health issues. Faith is a high value of mine. I see God working in my life, and I want to acknowledge it. 

This has been a broken season for my family. My mama went back to Slovenia in January. Before she left, God told me that I was heading into a fractured season. Everyone knows that seasons come and go. Change is the only certainty we have in life. Parents, I know you feel this truth. When our children get into developmental stages, we love seeing them grow, yet we often may feel we are playing catchup. 

My older son Nathan has a mass on the back of his left ear. We found out in May 2022. We were told to get an ultrasound done, which came back inconclusive. The ENT (Ear, nose, throat doctor) gave me an uncertain prognosis. Being told this was not a cause for concern and would not affect him later, we did not pursue anything further. It was in February that this mass caused us problems. 

I am so thankful that this mass is not tumorous or anything life-threatening. It enlarged, was red, and began to hurt him. One day I had a call from his school that started this journey. We went to Urgent care and were turned over to the ER. They drew blood, put an IV in, and had him complete a CT scan with contrast and an ultrasound. He was poked and prodded all day long. Rightfully so, we could not wait to get back home. 

We watched the mass and checked in with Nathan about his pain level. That weekend his mass was draining. We wound up back in the ER. They had to drain the mass. I will spare you the details; as soon as they made an access point, it drained quickly. Instead of giving him anesthetic and letting it set, they went right in to clear the area. I had to listen to him screaming for the whole thing. I held him and tried my best to be assuring. I teared up; there was nothing I could do to help him. It was an awful ordeal. 

Then we had to give him antibiotics. Parents, if you have ever had to give your children antibiotics, I know you understand! Every day we had to make our son take medications we hated. Every day was a struggle. Throughout the whole time, we tried to figure out ways to help. He admitted that he spit out his pill in his milk one morning. Gogurt was the go-to method during this period. 

I also had to learn to be a nurse as I had to dress his wound. We knew quickly that gauze was not the proper dressing for him. We have used a lot of non-stick pads, tape, and band-aids. He would flinch every time I went near his wound for at least a week. I felt discouraged a lot during this portion of the journey. I wanted to help, and he would not let me. He eventually calmed down, and I could try new ways to dress his wound. 

The doctors say it is lymph node malformation, possibly something he was born with. When this gets infected, it becomes an abscess. Since this procedure, the mass has filled and drained again. We are at the point where another surgery is needed. This time they will put him to sleep. If there is any parent that has had to walk their child into surgery, it is a scary thing. Fear grips me as I write this. 

In this mess, I have had to be honest about where I put my trust. I know that my boy will be healthy again. I understand that this will be short-term. This will be a blip in the course of his life. If I were to put my trust in circumstances, I would not have this resolve. I do not put my faith in the doctors; I put my trust in the Great Physician. He has good plans for my family. I fear something will go wrong, but I know that no matter what, He is sovereign. 

Parents, what do you put your trust in? Do you put it in your family, hobbies, occupation, or finances? If these were stripped away and it was you standing on the plank, what would you put your trust in? Where do you draw your strength? At the deepest of your core, what do you believe about yourself, your spouse, and your children? How deeply do you value your friendships? Are you intentional with your time? 

Life is a never-ending pursuit of truth. What truth do you hold on to when things like this happen to you and your family? Are you able to see the good in others or yourself? Can you forgive yourself when your worse version of yourself shows up? I do not believe our stories are for us. Everything we experience is a training ground for what is to come. Not the notion everything happens for a reason. Everything is a lesson; everything affects our truth and beliefs about life, others, and faith. 

Am I still afraid? You bet! Do I have a crystal ball to know how everything will turn out? No, and it is not for me to know. All that matters is that I am where I must be for my family. Sometimes there is no other option but to trust that whatever happens is not in our control. We see this in society with trauma responses. The tragedy is a part of this life. Violence is a part of our lives in some way or another, whether through words, thoughts, and actions. 

I'm not ashamed to ask for prayer. It puts this all into perspective. I am relinquishing my need to control into the hands of Jesus; who knows better what to do with this. It grieves me that families sit in generational trauma. As a Parent Coach, I identify triggers, restructure painful memories and stories, and help parents find new responses that align with their values. I love when parents have what I affectionally call "lighthouse moments" (think a-ha). Since my practice is called Come to the Lighthouse, I changed it to fit. 

Lighthouse moments are when a parent sees something new about themselves, their children, spouse, or family of origin. Trauma work is challenging. For the parents that experience lighthouse moments, there is something so special about witnessing it. Returning to the old parenting methods will be more difficult when you are shown a new way. My hope is to give as many families as possible these experiences. Empowered parenting is a paradigm that I hope replaces the ones we have been taught. 

I offer a ten-week coaching program where we uncover the root causes of triggers and distress in your home. You can find more information on my website, Services | Come to the Lighthouse LLC (tinaputney.com)

I offer a four-week intensive course where we delve deeper into your relationships! I believe in being intentional with your time. I will show you how to get what you need to foster and sustain your schedule. We make time for you first because you matter! More information can be found on https://www.tinaputney.com/service-page/regain-your-relationships  

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Remember that thoughts dictate your beliefs, and beliefs dictate your actions. 

Blessings to you and your family! 

Tina M. Putney - Certified Parent Coach