Owning who I am

 As I sit with my boys waiting for my husband (daddy) to get home for dinner, I have a question in my mind. What makes me who I am? Really, of all the parents out there, what makes me my unique self? I can think of a few things that come to mind. But I invite you now to also ask yourself this question. 

The most important thing to me is my faith! It's saved my life more times than I can count. I know that I have been protected, loved, and favored my whole life. I've been called to shine light in the darkness. An identity I have been given by God, that I have come to appreciate, is being a polarizer. A little ironic, being that I have been diagnosed with PTSD and Bi-Polar. I'm not ashamed to talk about my mental illness because, it's nothing to be ashamed of. I didn't ask for it, I wouldn't have chosen that for myself, and yet now, I finally can understand the mania and collapse I have during immensely stressful seasons. 

In my healing journey, I have always been able to share my faith. I worked with conservative therapists, instead of Christian. I feel that was the right path for me because I was able to shine the light of Jesus right where I was. They knew I didn't have it all together, they knew my struggles and my story, and yet they knew I practiced my faith unashamedly. I was and am who I have always been made to be, a light bearer. My mission is not to judge but to love and give freely. I am blessed to be a blessing. To see you as he sees me! My mental illness only reiterates need for support and that is what my faith has been to me. Side note: I have no intention to tell you what to do or to believe I'm just sharing about me. 

I also have a determination to see things through. My husband can attest to seeing it during childbirth and through this whole journey! Once I start something I see it through to completion. I will never give up on my family and neither should you! These are the people that we are supposed to learn from, care for, and love deeply. But it's hard somedays, really hard. I get it. Life is not perfect, I am not perfect, and I don't have to be. I mess up daily even as a Parent Coach! Like when we got caught in a rain storm on our walk (oops!) 

So here's my hope and sincere wish for you and your family! That you would know how deeply loved you are now, that you would feel safe in your own body and home, that you would effectively express your feelings and needs unapologetically, because you get to have your needs met!! You are an amazing parent! You do so much more than feed, clothe, bathe, and provide nurture. You provide a legacy! 

I'm all about changing legacies! (If you haven't noticed) This is my life's purpose now, to help as many families change their legacies for generations to come! Imagine your children being able to hold space for their children's emotions because you decided to show up for them! Imagine your great grandchildren, loving and parenting with empowered parenting! What a beautiful sight that would be!! 

I hear you and see you! You feel like everyday is another fight waiting to happen. What if there was another way?? Could you imagine the possibility? Could you see that in your home? What would you do to make that happen? All of these questions and more, I ask myself time and time again. They are questions I will never stop asking. 

 I found another way! That's all really! I still struggle, I still need support and yet I practice daily the "new way." And now I am sharing what I know! I'm not ashamed of my journey and you shouldn't be either. Too many of us are worried what others will think of us, but if we just pause before we react, we would see that everyone is really worried about themselves.

Have you seen this with your kids and their friends? I'm sure you have! I'm sure you have listened to your daughter "energetically" reiterate her fears of approval from her friends, or your son fighting the temptation to give into peer pressure. It's all around us. Judgement, we judge ourselves, we think they judge us, they think we are judging them. But parents, hear me now We are all parents!!

We are mommies and daddies to amazing kids! We are their harbor, their place to land, their confidant, their lighthouse! They love us no less if we mess up, they love us no more when we succeed. Their love knows no bounds and we feel the same way about them! Not all of the time of course, but if we really drop the "got it together" mentality we can actually "be together" and we are better together than we are alone. We may be creative alone, and together we can be a force of parents that fight for our families! I might be on a soap box. That's ok, I like soap :) I truly believe we can make a new generation of families that can thrive! 

We can all have hope, love, trust, and peace in our homes. It's not our children's job to take care of the home, it's ours as their parents. We are charged to lead them and if we show up for them each day a little more than the last, they will be functional, respectful and wonderful adults. They depend on us for their very survival and we can not let them down. So what about you? Do you want to be who you really are or stay the same? You can if you want to, of course, or you can join a movement of a new parenting paradigm that is long overdue. Empowered parenting is the future. It's our children's future, if we can see and grab on to it. I'm nothing special. I've just answered the call to change my families legacy and all who will join me! 

So I'll ask again, what makes you who you are? Figuring this out is ok and it is the "new way." It's hard work, but generationally impacting and so worth it! Your children will thank you, and the generations that follow. 

Until we meet again I hope your family is well! 

Tina M. Putney 

Certified Parent Coach