A Second Chance

She came from a Christian family attending church in a little town in New Mexico. Her Dad was the choir director and her parents worked with the youth at her church. She accepted Jesus into her life at the age of 6. She lived with her mom, dad and brother. Walking in the light of a Christian home everything looked "put together." This all changed when an affair changed her family's lives. Her parents were separated for 9 months. God healed their marriage after much betrayal. 

Her dad found a job in Louisiana when she was 8 years old. Her parents decided a move would help the family make a new start. They got involved with the choir and youth group at their new church and felt that the move had been a good decision. Another brother was added to the family when she was 10. At 11, she started attending the church youth group but felt like everyone was watching her as the youth leader’s child. At the end of 7th grade her family returned from vacation to find that her Dad had been transferred. So the family moved again about 2 hours west to Sulphur, Louisiana. As a freshman in high school she became the President of the youth group.  

She did well in school and played in the band. Her parents attended school events and were proud of her accomplishments. She went away to college and graduated with a bachelor’s degree in nursing. At the age of 21 her father left again. This devastated my friend greatly who pursued counseling to heal from her wounded heart. Her safe world fell apart right before her eyes. Through the pain and disappointment of her childhood she rose wiser and kinder and made herself available to those struggling in their walks of faith, parenting, and health challenges. 

Now her life looks much different then the disruptive childhood she lived through. After being a missionary for 6 years, she married at the age of 35. As a missionary she got to see other healthy Christian families. She saw cooperation, teamwork, intact families which inspired her to hold this ideal in her own family. She saw how they allowed their children to grow independently with deeper connections through their differences. They allowed their children to grow into their identities and break the status quo of their cultures. 

Seeing my friend as a mother to her son has been a gift.  I could see how compassionate and loving she treats him. She shows him boundaries and shows him what a loving intact home is. She walked alongside my deepest parenting challenges when I first became a mother to my eldest son. She now serves her local church as a Faith Community Nurse. She walks alongside families in all stages of their lives from birth to end of life. She also works with mamas with a known organization called MOPS - Mothers of Preschoolers. She is also an active leader in Women's Bible Study at her local church. 

When I think of how stable her family is and hearing her story provides me hope that no matter the childhood instability you can find a way to change the legacy as an adult. I'm honored to have her as my friend. When I asked her what wisdom she has to share to parents here's what she had to say: "Sleep when they sleep, make sure you get some "you time" and "adult time." Be sure to pick your battles and don't get into power struggles with your children." I also asked what she would say to her parents if they were in front of her. She shared appreciation for how well they listened despite the painful affair and divorce. 

They let her and her siblings consequences teach them the effect of their choices. They always had education to fall back on. When she became a mother her mother didn't always just give advice she allowed her daughter to find her own path in her parenting, which we all know can be such a gift. From a life of instability, she proves that life provides a second chance. She now is providing stability, nurturance and love to her family and working as hard as she can to be the mama she wants to be. 

She learned the effect of choices early on in life by her father's choices, yet also the grace, mercy, and love of her Heavenly Father who is always ready to restore and redeem our lives. Like so many of us with father wounds she has found solace in a God who loves, sees, and embraces her with open arms and through this love she is now able to do for others the same. 

Thank you for sharing your story.